Tags: gijoe



Shortpacked!: She didn't know what she was getting into.

Hey, everybody! So, like, when Jeph Jacques links to you in the area under his comic, apparently that means you get an absolute buttload of traffic. It was like the entire population of a very very large city descended upon us and read through my archives. Hello, new people! I hope you enjoyed my Batman and Frank Miller jokes. Please stay around! My blog's RSS feed is a fun way to follow me.

(Apparently I choose the right cartoonists to draw in compromising coprophilic positions.)

((You're next, Danielle Corsetto.))

These pictures are of a custom G.I. Joe figure made not by me, but by my buddy and groomsman Ron "Robowang" McBalls. But I sure wish I could claim it as my own! Yeah, it's friggin' Beach Party Destro. See, he got a Destro head (duh) , a Chuckles torso, and a Sagat pair of legs. Oh, and flippers. Of course. I thought that was totally awesome, and so I asked if I could share it with you.

Things like this are basically why vintage Joe parts interchangeability exists.

So, yeah. James McCullen Destro XXIV, wearer of shorts. Rocker of the luau shirt. Weapons supplier. Party animal.

Where's my lady parts?

Shortpacked!: Get a room!

Graham found me a white-coated The Doctor the day before Thanksgiving. I mentioned a bit ago that I was worried that I wouldn't find the white one, so I bought the black one just in case, since he was pretty hard to find at the time. You know, so I could paint the black coat white if I had to. But now I just get to keep the black one as-is! Sweet. I kinda like him.

But hey, white lab coat? You're going on my Dr. Biggles-Jones.

Well, as soon as I find her. You know how something is everywhere, right under your nose, until you actually need to find it? That's how my Dr. Biggles-Jones kitbash is treating me right now. I swear I saw it like every other day, somewhere. Where? Who knows. She eludes me.

God dammit.

I'm thinking the only way I can find it is by buying a new Scarlet/Lady Jaye pair to kitbash together, but I really think that's a little excessive.

Anyway, as of this update (11pm EST), there's an hour left for yesterday's Joyce and Walky! sale. If that interests you, get on the ball! Offer expires while you wait. Operators are standing by.

Woo, Scrubs returns tonight (Tuesday)! Don't try to talk me down. I'm going to enjoy it.

Dresstro for Successtro.

Shortpacked!: He probably wants the store across the street.

Now this is the Destro Combat Heroes figure I was wanting!  The first "Movie" figurine of him was actually his Resolute design.  But this is the real deal, pimp suit and everything!  He's carrying a nanotech-firing gun, I guess. 

He comes with Cover Girl, who has an unfortunately small amount of time on the screen.  Poor Cover Girl.  Didn't even get to shoot nobody!  

Anyway, Destro totally had this mask on in the movie for more than thirty seconds. 

Sequel can't come soon enough.

Also, maybe I should have gotten one of those Batman: Brave and the Bold mini-figurine thingies so he could punch this guy.  Ah well. 

The first Ravage that can actually contain the soundtrack to "Cats."

Shortpacked!: And get your damn fool hands out of your pockets!

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra comes out on DVD/Blue-Ray today (Tuesday), and I'm actually pretty excited!  Rise of Cobra was surprisingly a fun, tolerable movie.  And since it didn't go on and on and on and on forever, punctuated with robot-on-chick's-leg action, I'm probably looking forward to watching it more than my copy of Revenge of the Fallen!   I was really looking forward to owning Revenge of the Fallen, sure, but that was to help fill out our beloved Transformers Wiki.  But I'm looking forward to watching Rise of Cobra.  

To celebrate this glorious day, enjoy a photo of Batman punching Rex "The Doctor" Lewis.  (Microman Batman donated by The Last Gamestore.)  I've actually been searching for the white-coated version of Rex so I can steal his labcoat for my Dr. Biggles-Jones kitbash, but he's been mighty scarce.  I saw him for the first time with a batch of the new jungle/arctic/desert-themed guys.  Is that who he's shipping with?  Should I expect to see more of him?  Because if I shouldn't, I'm painting this guy's coat white and ganking it.  

(Man, that's a pretty good likeness on him.)

Anyway, Rex is just a sidebar.  Because of today's strip, as the main event I thought I'd throw in some photos of the actual Device Label Ravage toy, rather than just screenshots of his computer program like I did on Saturday.  He's a pretty big guy!  He's about twice the size of most actual thumb drives, which makes some amount of sense.  Real thumb drives don't have to accommodate an assortment of limbs.  And if you want to carry him around in your pocket without fear of damaging the USB connector, you can slide it right inside.  Thoughtful!  And you could probably get a key ring through the holes in either of his shoulders, but I haven't tried that for myself to confirm.

The working part of the thumb drive is at the back of Ravage's neck, and it hides away inside the torso while in jaguar mode.  The hind legs sort of clasp around it, protecting its tip, and also locking it from accidental movement.  During transformation to jaguar, the head and neck flip around, and the legs unstraighten.  The end!  The jaw is articulated, as are all the limb joints, so you can get him into a number of poses. 

And his head is proportionally larger than most Ravages, so he's kinda adorable.

My Ravage has spent pretty much the entire weekend plugged into one of my USB ports so that his computer program was activated.  I foresee him plugging back in soon, now that I'm done photographing him.  Too bad!  It's a pretty nice Ravage toy.  But it keeps being used on my dumb computer, like some sort of functioning technological device.  What mockery is this?

Eh, I have plenty of Ravage toys.  I guess I can spare one to stick out the front of my desktop machine so a digital kitty can jump around.  (I like seeing him occasionally stalk just outside the borders of my program windows, sometimes only through Vista's transparent title bars.)

Destros and Dinobots and Batmen, oh my!

Shortpacked!@TNI: Sometimes Mike likes to show up in these.
Shortpacked!: On the Internet, you will read Leslie's opinion on things.

Today was a slow toy news week!  I know this because last week's Toy News International strip was still on the front page of TNI's website.  This is unfortunate, because I tend to scour its news every Sunday morning when I come up with the strip for that week.  But nada!  Bupkiss!  Zilch.

And so, instead I was forced to reach into my own life and experiences.  See, in two weeks we're having a wedding, which means there'll be a few folks staying over at our house, plus family will be there, and this place needs to look nice!  So I've been straightening.  I've figgered it's better to have toys on shelves than on the floor, and so I brought down a few unused shelving units from the attic and started puttin' stuff on them.  Y'know, just random stuff that had outgrown my desk, plus other detritus, yadda yadda.

Check out my Destros!  And my Dinobots!  And my Batmen!  (Yeah, apparently Ethan collects exactly what I do.  That's part of why Jacob is around.)  And, as you can see, it's a work in progress.  Need to figure out what goes in the blank spaces.  (Not a problem I'm really  used to, I gotta tell you.)

Man, you know I can't find just one of my Destros I know I have?  The Iron Grenadier one?  Dammit!  I know he's somewhere... He's one I end up photographing a lot since I put him in group shots with newer Destros I accumulate, but yet he's not in any of the Piles Of Things I've Photographed But Not Sorted Away.  


He's basically Clark Gable.

Shortpacked!: No, not continued on Monday.

This morning on Twitter, Birds of Prey/Wonder Woman/Secret Six writer extraordinaire Gail Simone asked for suggestions for wallpaper.  I'm a quick artist, and so she had adorable Catman art in exactly 30 minutes!  I am super-flattered that she enjoyed my efforts.  This is so super cool.

I can be a quick photographer/blogger, too, but it doesn't always yield as-satisfying results.  Check out my rush job on the right!  Needed something to fill this blog space in roughly 30 minutes, and so I threw Zap into my Original 13 G.I. Joe display, which had been comprised of only twelve guys (and Robo-JOE) for the past several months.  (Zap's the green guy crawling over the logo.)

So, yay, Zap finally completes the original lineup, the one I had been fastidiously collecting for the past two years.  (Why?)  Wow, what a sea of green!   And I even have the wrong Hawk there (rushed as I was), so it'd be even greener if he were the earlier version.  

This display really needs a football jersey or sailor outfit or something. 

A wee huey!

Shortpacked!:  Is he shit-talking Johnny Witts?  Oh no he didn't!

I don't got a lot of room for G.I. Joe vehicles.  Heck, I barely have any room for actual G.I. Joes.  But having a Wild Bill without some sort of helicopter just seems wrong.  It's like having the Lone Ranger without his horse.  Thing is, Joe helicopters can be pretty huge.  I can't justify the usage of space!

So I was happy to discover the Dragonfly XH1, from the live-action movie line.  It comes in a small box at the $25 pricepoint.  I spotted it yesterday, decided to think on it, and today after picking up new comics (Secret Six volume 1 TPB hooray!) we ended up back at that same Target, and I thought what the hell.  Impulse buy!

Graham kept telling me it was gonna be tiny.  "That's the point!" I kept saying.  I want it tiny!  And yet, it's not quite tiny enough.  It's actually a fairly good-sized helicopter.  Not deal-breakingly so, but ample.  (The photo to the right foreshortens it quite a bit.)

I don't own any of the modern, new-sculpt Joe vehicles, so this sated my curiosity on that front, as well.  I'm glad to see that the removable engine panels are still a running feature.  And they've added hidden spring-loaded missile launchers!  Just pull a trigger on the underside of the tail, and double-launchers erupt from each side.  Another trigger sends the missiles off.  And stickers are still a staple of the Joe vehicles, as well.  (Man, I both enjoy and detest applying them.)

The Dragonfly comes with a Movie-colored Wild Bill in blacks and dark greens.  His head is still tiny.  But because it was hilarious, I threw my new Wetsuit into the cockpit instead, flippers and all.  Ha ha ha ha.  

Note how big Wild Bill is compared to the Dragonfly.  Now, note how big he is on the photo on the back of the packaging.  Whoa, that's some misdirection there.  I mean, I figgered it must be a lie, what with the relatively tiny size of the box, but Cheezus Christ, Hasbro.  That's pretty shameless. 

One downside of the Dragonfly is the distinct lack of pegs to fit millions of other guys on there.  They aren't there, obviously, because this is a tiny-friggin' helicopter.  Joes would be bisected at the torso by the propellers.  But still, that's one of the appeal of Joe vehicles to me.  (And Action Master vehicles.)  I love piling on the dudes.  But, today, it is not to be.

Evil half-naked terrorist orthodontist.

Shortpacked!@TNI: Ethan has momentarily forgotten BotCon Arcee's function.
Shortpacked!: Let the smutty fanart begin... now.  

I've been craving a new Dr. Mindbender figure from the 25th Anniversary line for the past two years, and they only just barely squeezed him out.  The wave he was gonna be in was canceled, but thankfully Hasbro took him and the other leftovers and made two web-exclusive seven-packs of figures.  So, yeah, I totally bought an entire seven-pack just to get Dr. Mindbender.  Graham'll probably grab most of the remainder, but either way, I had to get Dr. Mindbender, no matter the cost.

See, he's really the epitome of why Cobra is hilarious and awesome to me.  Dr. Mindbender was originally Dr. Binder, a friendly family orthodontist who accidentally set his brain to "evil" while experimenting with a device he hoped would spare his patients pain.  So of course, he starts wearing as little clothing as possible, joins a terrorist organization, and builds an emperor in a ridiculous snake costume from stolen DNA. 

It just makes sense!

Since this Dr. Mindbender figure is mostly borrowed parts, there are a few elements from the original toy that he's missing.  The strange purple gauntlets, for example, are now just bare arms, and the strange snake-like codpiece is gone.  Also, his art shows him with this awesome dentist drill.  He does not come with this.  He just gets some sort of antenna gun thing.  Damn.

He is, however, still mostly naked.  That is what is paramount.


Who's your Destro?


So I finally decided to open my San Diego Comic-Con-exclusive Destro set.  This one came with two Destros!  Two!  First, we got James McCullen IX, who traded weapons to both France and Spain and was forced to wear an iron mask when caught.  The first Destro!  (He's the guy in the first scene of the GIJOE movie.)

The second is James McCullen XXIV, the modern-day Destro.   (He's the guy in the rest of it.)

First of all, the packaging is amazing.  For information-gathering nerds such as myself (helloooo Transformers wiki!) this is a treasure of nerdy, nerdy info, since it has a family history of every single James McCullen, from one to twenty-four.   Do you know that James McCullen 19th (who lived from 1840-1893) sold rocket weapons to both the North and South in the American Civil War?  NOW YOU DO!   The only downside is, unlike Mattel's collectors' packaging, you actually have to rip the bubbles off the cards, retail-style.  D'oh!

Destro #9, I assume, is a frankenstein of various parts.  I recognize his legs, for example, from Iron Grenadier Destro.  He comes with a sword, the Destro-clan flag, an old-timey hand-held gun of some sort, and his iron mask.  (The mask, of course, fits over his head.)

Destro #24 is how modern Destro actually looks in the movie.  Forget that mass-retail single-carded Destro, with the awesome longcoat.  He never looks like that!  This SDCC-exclusive toy is your only chance at a movie-accurate Destro.  He comes with a masked face, which you have to replace with his real head by popping it off at the ball-jointed neck.  He also comes with a M.A.R.S. briefcase (which can hold one of his guns) and a whooooooooole buncha other guns, big and small, but which are mostly chromed.  


So early this morning, Jon Rosenberg (Goats) started a Twitter Trending Topic, #obamacarefacts, lampooning the crazy paranoid ideas of those folks who think socialized medicine is all about death panels and turning everyone into gay Hitlers.  I joined in for some satirical nonsense as well, and was darkly amused (but not surprised) when it started getting picked up by Internet media as some sort of grass-roots conservative meme hijacked by liberals.  Hahaha.


For the love of God, buy The AllSpark Almanac.  It is the most glorious book I have ever read.  It is not only a collection of thousands of full-color Transformers Animated models, nor is it also merely a collection of episode and comic book summaries from the first two seasons, all written in-universe by the characters themselves.  My God, it is probably the closest thing the Transformers Wiki will get to a full-on official Hasbro-sanctioned handjob.  The obscure (SUPER obscure) references, crammed into every page, are absolutely insane.  References to Rorza, Dr. Biggles-Jones, JaAm, Monster-Con from Mars, "Dinobot's Old Technology"... it is well and truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  It even references fucking Seafood Louis.  Oh my God.  Oh my holy, holy God.  It should not exist.

Find it at a local comic store if you can.  It is a beautiful-looking book crammed with more information than should be physically possible.


Prototype coming in a matter of days!  Well, they told me it'd be a week hence on... Monday.  So, soon!

Boomboom sexytime!

Shortpacked!@TNI: I will so own this toy.
Shortpacked!: Is this something already covered by TVTropes?  I haven't checked yet.

So I liked GIJOE: The Rise of Cobra so much, I figgered I'd probably end up getting a few of the figures that I wouldn't have otherwise. 

I dig Scarlett in general, so she got bought.  I wasn't sure whether I wanted the hair-down impact suit version or the pony-tail blue-camouflage version, but after Maggie talked about how Scarlett has OMFG Perfect Hair, I decided on the hair-down version.  

Scarlett comes with one of those infuriating two-piece crossbows.  You know, the kind I probably should have superglued together already.  I've nearly lost that front piece three times just today.  Why do they do that? 

She also comes with a giant-fucking missile launcher, as is consistent across the RoC toyline, but hers is also attached by a string to a backpack and through the backpack a grappling hook.  I have no idea what to make of it.  I tried to get the backpack on, at least, but it doesn't really fit up over her shoulders since her hair is there.  At least, not well.  And... then what?  Man, I wish Joes came with instructions.  I need them more for Joes than I do Transformers.  

I knew I wanted a Ripcord, if only to have a friggin' Ripcord.  I have almost zero idea of what the original Ripcord was like, or if I should care.  So RoC Ripcord easily supercedes whatever non-knowledge I have of the character, and he is The Ripcord.  And I realliy enjoyed his character, too, in the film.  He filled a very important role, namely being the interesting foil for Super Boring Duke and providing a similar service for Scarlett. 

And man, is he hard to find!  If I was lucky, I could find maybe one of him every so often, buried in the sea of other RoC figures, and it was always the Delta-Six Accelerator Suit version.  I am not sure if there are other versions currently out, because I don't think I've seen them since I started last week specifically looking for Ripcord.  And so finally this evening I bought the version I could find, once I managed to track one down. 

(Don't the accelerator suits have big machine gun cuffs around their arms?  Why does this toy give him a normal machine gun to carry?)

I'm not sure if I'll end up buying the full cast or anything.  That I'd have to buy a Snake-Eyes and a Storm Shadow kind of puts me off that right away.