June 11th, 2010


Dr. Venom is a jerk

Originally published at Shortpacked!. Please leave any comments there.

It's funny because Destro is on the back of the HISS crying that the Baroness is dead.

I’ve gone on a number of times about how Dr. Venom is awesome — sometimes in non sequitur, sometimes in preparation for this toy coming out.  Suffice to say, he’s some guy in a lab coat and tie who works for Cobra and his name is Dr. Venom.  He does not understand piddly emotions such as “love.”  I should not have to explain further.

He’s never had a toy until now, probably in part to being, you know, some guy in a friggin’ lab coat and tie.  Oh, and his name is Dr. Venom, which I’m sure would raise legal eyebrows somewhere marvelous.  (His packaging presents his name as Dr. Archibald “Venom” Monev.  That’s right, his real last name is “venom” backwards.)

They're filled with the tar from his soul.

The G.I. Joe Collectors’ Club is selling him as an exclusive to its members in a big box along with an absolutely huge venus flytrap monster and Joe Colton.  I’m pretty okay with that being the last two-thirds of this set, so it was no big to plunk down the cash for everything.  I’m not a member of the Joe club, but my pal Ron is, so I gave him the money and he got me the set.  Easy cheesey.

His given function is “Evil Scientist.”  Sometimes in fiction I feel that is redundant.

Unsurprisingly, Dr. Venom is nearly all recycled parts.  He’s got the pajama Joe arms, Shipwreck legs, Cobra “Rex” Commander labcoat, and the Cobra Trooper body with a tie painted on.  His head appears to be new.

"Back off, man! I'm a scientist!"

He comes with four accessories.  Two black handguns and two equally black test tubes with corks in them. The black test tubes are how you know he’s an Evil Scientist.  He holds the test tubes easily enough, but his right hand sure has trouble with either of the handguns.  Its non-Kung Fu grip is molded a little small for the gun’s handle, so it’ll inevitably pop out after the rubbery plastic in the right hand gets bored.  I did manage to get it to stay in his hand long enough to snap a photograph, but only barely.  You can see the gun’s kinda blurry as it prepares to pounce out of its place.

Man, remember when Cobra was allowed to be dorky and campy?  I miss those days.  Realistic Cobra sure is fucking boring.