Finding these guys was surreal. I was not expecting it, at all. Sure, finally, after what seemed like a torturous eternity of the Fire/Ice wave of Justice League Unlimited 3-packs, the Batman: Beyond 3-pack wave started showing up in California. ... two days ago, by my eBay observations. And yet, boom, here they are in Ohio. Two of 'em!
(Somebody already grabbed the 3-pack with Cheetah in it. Damn.)
These are figures I never really thought I'd see. Batman: Beyond itself sorta started out as a "Dude, I bet we'll sell a lot of shit if Batman's a kid just like our target audience," and so the television show was made and Hasbro brought out this huuuuge line of Batman: Beyond figurines. ...and yet, they were all of the "Capture Quest Batman" or "Night Freeze Camo" variety. No "normal" Batmen Beyond. Near the end of the line, there was one that was intended to be a normal Batman Beyond, but it came in crazy Super Special Edition packaging, and it was designed to not leave its mount and do nothing more than flap its arms.
What the hell.
And an Old Bruce figure? Right out. What kid wants to buy an old man toy, even if that old man is Batman?
And Warhawk? He's not Batman, so he's not gonna be in no Batman toyline. (They're better about that now.)
So, yeah, these guys are pretty sweet. Just that they exist is pretty sweet. Getting them out of the package one-by-one, my brain gasped at me, "Holy crap, this is Terry fucking McGinnis." Beeee careful with him, though. Remember when I told you that my recent Elongated Man figure had this "his head snaps off if you turn it too far" problem? Terry's head feels about the same. It's rubbery, what because of the pointy ears, and I'm afraid to fiddle with it too much. I fear breakage.
Old Bruce has different problems. Mostly, he suffers from his construction. See, he's the fairly tall business suit body, but then with an added layer of torso on top of that, so that the tie and lapels are covered. This makes his shoulders peak really high. He's a monster. Heck, he's a bit taller than "today" Batman, and I don't think that's how aging works. I wish the toy were more of a hunching old codger, but I guess beggars can't be choosers. It's insane that this toy even exists.
Warhawk, weirdly enough, is my favorite. I think it's his design. He looks the most interesting of all of them. Plus, hey, wings are cool. (Even if Warhawk's are fake, versus biological. That's what happens when you're only half-Thanagarian.) Parts-wise, Warhawk has a new head, a new piece that goes from shoulder to shoulder, and two wings that attach to that new shoulder piece. The rest is deco. (Which is unfortunate, since it'd be nice if the armor hanging from his belt and attached to his thighs were 3D.) For us Hawkgirl/Green Lantern shippers, he's a pretty great figure.
Now, finally, there's the problem of displaying them. You've seen my Justice League shelf. It's a big mob, of the "group photo" variety. It's all characters that are roughly concurrent with each other. And I have to tell you, it'd really sort of bug me, on a stupid nerdy level, to have these guys from 50 years in the future standing around amongst them. They don't belong here! So where do they go? I don't know. This is why I didn't bother with the Legion of Super Heroes set. They're also from the future, plus I really couldn't give a rat's ass about 'em.
Ah well. If this would be the worst of life's problems, I will die a blessed man.