January 16th, 2009


(no subject)

Joyce and Walky!: Sadly, Walky does not swear, so I could not substitute "fight" with "shite."

Jetfire and Jetstorm here may be the gayest toy I own. And I own Slade, Skram, and another gay Jetstorm. That's a lot of gay! And it's not just gay, it's incestuous. These two guys are twin brothers. I'm pretty sure they have lots of sex. It's even in the instructions.

Anyway, let's go back to the beginning. You know that Transformers Animated Optimus Prime versus Megatron battle pack that comes with a DVD of the first episode? Well, these guys are replacing it. Instead of a DVD, Jetstorm and Jetfire are packaged together with a comic book that introduces them, written by the television show's story editor, Marty Isenberg. That's actually what I was mostly after. Sweet, sweet fiction. The toys -- well, I wasn't expecting them to be great. No, I wanted the story!

(The art's a little hard to follow in places. I think it's the coloring...)

The toys did surprise me, and so I do appreciate them more than I thought I would, but I like them in practice about as much as I suspected I would. I'm not big on symmetrical docking toys or whatever the GaoGaiGar folks call it. You know, where you have two guys, and then they combine in the middle and it looks kinda dippy. I don't like that.

In theory, the combining itself isn't the problem. Transforming them in and out of modes and then combining them and combining them in vehicle mode... this all could be fun. The problem is, not many of the resulting modes are very worth it. Look at the jet modes on the right. Those just aren't very satisfying. The front ends do look kind of like Colonial Vipers, which is neat, but the back is still a pair of legs.

But getting back to what surprised me... the toys look really simple. They are not. They are super fiddly! All sorts of stuff has to move and shift and peg and rotate and swap to get them to transform in so many ways. It may look easy, but it's really not.

Jetfire and Jetstorm combine at the middle to form the mighty "gestalt powerlink" super robot, Safeguard. At least, they do when they're not constantly bickering and teasing and trying to one-up each other. It's like marriage, but for gay men who are twin brothers and are giant robots. I hear they allow that already in Massachusetts.

He holds together in some places in this form. The torso clicks together solid, but it's that damn crotch that has trouble staying together. Argh! I had a hell of a time getting a good photograph of them where it was solidly secured. One thing that threw me off before I tried to form Safeguard is that the first one I handled had one leg that ratcheted out longer than the other. Boy, I tried for way too long trying to get them to extend to the same length before realizing that only one extends for the combine mode. Because one of the legs is the combined robot's leg! Oh, hilarious me.

The worst thing about the combined mode is the way it tries to deal with the individual robots' arms. They're supposed to kind of splay out behind the combined robot in a big X, but it's hard to get right and when it's gotten right it still doesn't look too great. Oh well.

You can also combine the two in jet mode. It looks like two jets fucking each other.

Pick these guys up if you want the exclusive comic. Or if you like transforming things but don't care what they look like when you're done. Or if you end up liking the characters! That last one may come to be. It's entirely possible they'll endear themselves to me when Season 3 begins this spring. For right now, they'll just be goggles dude and guy-who-has-Beast-Machines-Jetstorm's-face-so-he's-kinda-neat.

Woo, Beast Machines homage!