January 4th, 2009


And you thought Beast Wars had awkward animal kibble.

Shortpacked!@TNI: Are the little arms considered his balls?
Shortpacked!: Strong enough to alter the course of mighty megacorporations!

I mentioned yesterday that I bought an offbrand transforming robot toy from the hallowed halls of Dinosaur World, and here he is! That's right, the TNI strip does not exaggerate or lie. "Tyrannosaurus-bot," a selection from Flying Dragon Toys' Dinosaur-bot toyline, does indeed have the head and upper torso of a Tyrannosaurus rex for a penis. I know, I know.

And pretty much all of the Dinosaur-bot line of toys offer this same aesthetic. There's a few that don't, like Parasaurolophus-bot and Pachycephalosaurus-bot, who both manage to have non-dinohead crotch technology, but the vast majority do. So if you want the likes of Velociraptor-bot and Deinonychus-bot, you're just going to have to accept that they're going to have a giant, snarling dinohead cock.

All of these toys are original toolings owned apparently by Flying Dragon Toys. They even have patent numbers listed under each item on the cross-sell, just in case you're suspicious that these are knockoffs. They aren't! So, no, Hasbro can't go hunting them down. And why would they want to? These are hilarious.

And, I might add, they're not all that shabbily-produced. Tyrannosaurus-bot is a solid toy. Check out that beast mode. It's not perfectly up-to-date, but the sculpt is very detailed, and the amount of paint on the thing is surprising. The transformation is simple but not too primitive, and it results in some very nicely-articulated arms. He's got what amounts to universal joints at the shoulders, elbows, and rotation joints just under the elbow. That means he can do plenty with his sword and gun. (The sword and gun, of course, do not stow anywhere in beast mode.)

However, his robot legs are entirely fixed. They do not articulate at all. During transformation, they fold out at the waist, and then the legs extend at the knee. If this were a more complex toy by a major-er company, I'm sure they could have engineered some knees and hips in there, but alas. His head also doesn't turn, nor does he have any waist articulation or any other kind, really. Just the arms get to move around. Really, though, that's more than I'd expect.

Plus, hey, his penis is a tyrannosaurus head and arms. Can't go wrong there.

I have personally named him Mega-Rex, even though he lacks ant parts and venom "snake."