August 8th, 2007

Smile

(no subject)

25th Anniversary Destro and the Baroness.Despite being back in his original, boring, ridiculously high-collared jumpsuit, Destro is an exceptional figure. A huge part of why is his left fist, which is useless for holding accessories, but absolutely amazing for lifting up into the air in fury.

He's a big guy, too. He can barely fit into the ol' 2002 Dominator I've had stowed away in my closet. You gotta scrunch up his feet together and allow his arms to poke out the convenient holes in the canopy. It's okay. I think of Destro as a huge guy.

His proportions are a bit wonky. His head is far, far above his shoulders, and what a tiny head it is! To have an actual noggin inside that thick metal mask he wears, he'd have to look inhumanly pinheaded. However, it does work better in person. 2D photos of him accentuate his proportion problems, but when you hold him in hand, these problems still exist, but they seem much more slight.

Baroness is also exciting, even though her face looks a little too much like Lily Tomlin. The best thing about these new 25th Anniversary body designs is that the girls actually look like girls! Holy crap! They, sadly, have not as much articulation as the boys, as they don't get the awesome double-jointed knees. Their legs are too skinny to accomodate them. Baroness' colors are very nice. It's impossible to tell in my photo, but she's several shades of black, including a matte black, a gloss black, and very dark gray. She's great.

Destro wants to tell you about this head he got.I've been reading through the Marvel trade collections of the original G.I. Joe comics, and I gotta tell you, Destro's pretty hilarious. For his first few appearances, they obscure his face, but as they're ready to do the full reveal, Destro basically begs Baroness to say his name. Please, say it! SAY IT. Dammit, Destro, you're the one in the gimp mask, you're supposed to say HER name! After that, Destro just can't stop talking about his head, as the scans to the right show. Yes, we get it. Your head is made out of metal. We can all see that, thank you.

Just find yourself another librarian dominatrix!At one point, the Baroness was presumed killed during an assassination attempt on the Destro. This stuns Destro for a while into inaction, but soon enough, while Dr. Venom (a character unique to the Marvel Comics) is being hilariously cruel, we can see Destro finally leaning into the side of the HISS, burying his head in his arm, bawling, while pounding the hull in violent sadness. I'd always thought Destro as being fairly stoic, so this imagery always cracks me up.

Can you imagine what an inconsolable, sobbing Destro would sound like? Would he stay in that rumbly low register he always speaks in, or would he slip up into falsetto? Do the tears leak out the bottom of his mask? It must get pretty foggy in there.

I'm an asshole.