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January 4th, 2009
11:01 pm
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And you thought Beast Wars had awkward animal kibble.
Shortpacked!@TNI: Are the little arms considered his balls?
Shortpacked!: Strong enough to alter the course of mighty megacorporations!

I mentioned yesterday that I bought an offbrand transforming robot toy from the hallowed halls of Dinosaur World, and here he is! That's right, the TNI strip does not exaggerate or lie. "Tyrannosaurus-bot," a selection from Flying Dragon Toys' Dinosaur-bot toyline, does indeed have the head and upper torso of a Tyrannosaurus rex for a penis. I know, I know.

And pretty much all of the Dinosaur-bot line of toys offer this same aesthetic. There's a few that don't, like Parasaurolophus-bot and Pachycephalosaurus-bot, who both manage to have non-dinohead crotch technology, but the vast majority do. So if you want the likes of Velociraptor-bot and Deinonychus-bot, you're just going to have to accept that they're going to have a giant, snarling dinohead cock.

All of these toys are original toolings owned apparently by Flying Dragon Toys. They even have patent numbers listed under each item on the cross-sell, just in case you're suspicious that these are knockoffs. They aren't! So, no, Hasbro can't go hunting them down. And why would they want to? These are hilarious.

And, I might add, they're not all that shabbily-produced. Tyrannosaurus-bot is a solid toy. Check out that beast mode. It's not perfectly up-to-date, but the sculpt is very detailed, and the amount of paint on the thing is surprising. The transformation is simple but not too primitive, and it results in some very nicely-articulated arms. He's got what amounts to universal joints at the shoulders, elbows, and rotation joints just under the elbow. That means he can do plenty with his sword and gun. (The sword and gun, of course, do not stow anywhere in beast mode.)

However, his robot legs are entirely fixed. They do not articulate at all. During transformation, they fold out at the waist, and then the legs extend at the knee. If this were a more complex toy by a major-er company, I'm sure they could have engineered some knees and hips in there, but alas. His head also doesn't turn, nor does he have any waist articulation or any other kind, really. Just the arms get to move around. Really, though, that's more than I'd expect.

Plus, hey, his penis is a tyrannosaurus head and arms. Can't go wrong there.

I have personally named him Mega-Rex, even though he lacks ant parts and venom "snake."

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Comments
 
From:[info]b_rian
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC)
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Have you ever seen a penis that could give YOU a blow job?

Well now you have.
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From:[info]sonictail
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:24 am (UTC)
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You just don't want it to swallow...
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From:[info]creature_sh
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:29 am (UTC)
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This is the perfect time to bring this one back.

From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 08:44 am (UTC)
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You are truly an artist.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:32 am (UTC)
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His face seems similar to Optimus Prime's.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:36 am (UTC)
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Also, Flying Dragon toys appear to have a website (http://www.dragontoys.com.hk/index.htm).
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC)
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They make a school bus. That's so lame it's cool!

http://www.dragontoys.com.hk/index.htm
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From:[info]kookaburra1701
Date:January 5th, 2009 10:01 am (UTC)
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My favorite is the "Hygienic Service-Bot"
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 12:19 pm (UTC)
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Not just a School bus-- that's a SHORT Bus.
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From:[info]gwalla
Date:January 5th, 2009 09:40 pm (UTC)
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His name should be Hyphy.

Actually, some of those look pretty cool. I like Classic Train Bot and Die Cast Fire Rescue Bot ain't a bad design either.
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From:[info]thomasoverbeck
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:34 am (UTC)

Robo-Cock-Fight!

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I say Scattershot still wins this battle of the bulge. :)
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From:[info]vixens_shadow
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:40 am (UTC)
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*coughchokecough*

And I had to do this...because it amuses me greatly.

http://vixens-shadow.deviantart.com/art/Retarded-108470065
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From:[info]spectre_general
Date:January 5th, 2009 04:57 am (UTC)
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That Superman strip rocks the world. The timing is perfect. Ah... sweet timing.
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From:[info]sasjhwa
Date:January 5th, 2009 05:09 am (UTC)
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You *did* mail them a copy of your comic, right? :D
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From:[info]ironbite
Date:January 5th, 2009 06:08 am (UTC)
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You should've gotton the 'raptor.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)
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I prefer TFW's name for it. Dinocock Prime.
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From:[info]finback
Date:January 5th, 2009 07:30 am (UTC)
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Wait, is your Tyrannosaurus-Bot the big one, or the small one? I have both, and always assumed the big one was the BotCon0(0?1?) "Mega-Rex"
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From:[info]abates
Date:January 5th, 2009 09:09 am (UTC)
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Think how much more poignant Code of Hero would have been if Dinobot's robot mode featured a Raptor head phallus.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 5th, 2009 12:22 pm (UTC)
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But does he brush its teeth?
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From:[info]landbasered
Date:January 6th, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
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colgate and trojan could form a merger over that concept.

"trogate" or "colgian"?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 6th, 2009 07:07 pm (UTC)
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Coelagon (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Coelagon)!
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From:[info]jsm1978
Date:January 5th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
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Kind of reminds me of Zone of the Enders... you know, where they took the term "cockpit" a little too seriously...
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From:[info]gwalla
Date:January 5th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
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Have you been watching old Fleischer Studios Superman cartoons? That opening montage is dead on!
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From:[info]shortpacked
Date:January 5th, 2009 11:03 pm (UTC)
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The 50s television show, actually, but I added the actual leaping of the buildings from the cartoon.
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From:[info]landbasered
Date:January 6th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)
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laser gun-bot puts megatron to shame. I can't tell what mode hes in.

http://www.dragontoys.com.hk/p07-06.htm
From:(Anonymous)
Date:January 6th, 2009 02:52 am (UTC)
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It would be sooo easy to have designed that with the robot mode front being on the back of the current robot mode, which would have put the dino-head safely on the robot's back side...which leads me inescapably to the conclusion that the designers *wanted* giant robo-head phalluses on these toys.

This is an idea which disturbs me greatly.
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From:[info]landbasered
Date:January 6th, 2009 03:37 am (UTC)
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call it marketing- knowing what you know, would you by slag or snarl?

Bad euphanisms and innapropriateness sell well.

Sex sells.
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